What if Facebook was owned and run by the Indian Government?

Facebook has emerged as a new meaning for addiction! People all over the world spend a lot of time socializing on facebook. We all know that the number of users in India is increasing tremendously each day! We have already discovered(it really was a lot of hardwork for us !!) in one of our previous articles: ” why Facebook is Popular in India? ” in the first place?

It is a new platform for a quicker feedback and perfect for spreading out messages to a greater audience! Indian Government is in a great need for that , Spreading out all sorts of propaganda and political ideologies! Facebook can be the new battleground! Wonder what would have happened if the Indian government would have taken over Facebook? What would be the scenario then? Horrible? Isn’t it?

The atmosphere in your facebook account will be all grim! The themes will feature grim cream colours such like the ones in old “sarkari” offices. By default, facebook wall will be covered with political party during the elections.

Facebook will no longer remain a place to know more people, but will be a place to favour the ruling party. Discussion threads will be all political and social in nature! You will get to meet only the politicians online! And you know what? They’ll give you free lectures on politics, propaganda, red-tapism, corruption etc! Only Politicians will be the celebrities and their Fan pages will steal the limelight!

Getting an account on FB will be tedious for commoners. There will be an Indian Facebook Authority (IFA) with a 1000 pages long set of rules and regulations. People will have to send in their e-applications for getting their accounts. This will take a month for verification of the documents!

Then, another month for for account verification and then.. just …just 1 more month for account activation. Timings for applications and queries will be from 9 a.m to 5 p.m

The new facebook will have a lot to offer:

Every status you write, every photograph you upload, every video you post.. it will all be sent to the Censor Board and Ministry of Information and broadcasting before being posted.

The “congress ka haath”(High Five)

will replace the FB ka “thenga”(like)

Every facebook application will redirect the users to the government’s official website which will offer a variety of games such as Parliament wars, Congressville, Draw my Gameplan etc.
There will be virtual parliament sessions in group chats!
Foreign Ministers won’t have to leave for meetings in other countries. All the matters will be solved online. Ministry of Foreign affairs will have a fanpage be headed by foreign minister. “ Hey hina, you really stole the limelight here, add me!!”
Rahul Gandhi will remain single for another 10 years . No dating on facebook! Only old political figures will be on his friendlist.
There will be political propagandas to defame the other party. The propagandas will be spread through the status messages and comment threads!
There will be corruption on facebook. The government employees would take bribe through e- banking for activating and smooth functioning of the account.
News channels will make sting operations and hack the politicians’ account and air it live on TV to reveal the scams online.
Anna hazaare will go on a virtual fasting for the enforcement of e-lokpal bill. But finally, the ministers wont come under the knife in the final bill.
Then, facebook will start losing the users. People will again send in applications for deactivation of the accounts. It will take several months.
There won’t be any Spams on Facebook, there will be only Scams.

Government will start incurring losses. Facebook is a $ 50 billion enterprise. After years in operation, only the the politicians will be left wandering on facebook. Finally ,government will realize that it has lost its grip on facebook and will open the stakes for private companies and will happily sell it off for 50 lacs. J